Archives for posts with tag: single

(That is how old people pronounce “courting.” And it makes me chuckle every time. Ok maybe I’m generalizing. By old people I mean my grandma and my great aunt.)

Check this out: Courting vs. Dating & Courting process

So about this whole courting thing. I know so many people want to know what it means. How is it different from dating? Are they the same thing? When you are dating someone, you go on dates. Does this mean when you are courting someone, you go on courts? Is this a potato pot-ah-to thing? Or more of an apples to oranges thing?

Well let me give you my two cents: I don’t care what you call it. Are you trying to be with someone because you want to be married and are evaluating that person? Or because you feel lonely? Or bored? Or just because? The intent is what matters – what you call it does not.

But there are some people who do care what you call it. And who have questions. So I’m attaching a document that a friend shared with me about a year ago. It breaks it down so that it is forever broke. So here it is folks: “Courting vs. Dating & Courting process.” The first page distinguishes between what it means to court (coat, tehehe) and to date. The second page walks you through the courting process. And while I don’t care what it is called, I definitely rocks with this document because it says the very first stage of courting is this:

“Commit yourself to being sold out for Christ.”

Step 1, check! (And if Step 1 is not a check, then do not pass go, do not collect $200). Cue music (and scene):

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Today’s musical selection brought to you by the fine folks at… well, I don’t know where they’re from. But, it’s a message that everyone needs to hear. Forreal!

What does this have to do with Wholly Single, you might ask? Well, it just reminded me of the So You Think You Want to Get Married class we took last year. Our facilitators strongly recommended that after you get married, deactivate your facebook for at least two years after you get married (they really said forever, but still).

And I kinda like that advice. What say you? Would you give up facebook (and all social media) for your marriage?

At first thought, it’s like well, sir, your marriage didn’t work. Why would I take marriage advice from you? But then you think about it some more and realize, hindsight is 20/20. It’s so much easier to look back and explain as opposed to making sense of the mess that you’re currently in. That said, this is some amazing advice from a divorcé after 16 years of marriage. Wow. Like, some bookmark, print it out and laminate it, read it once a month type advice. Head on over to the Love Story from a Male Perspective Blog to read “Beautiful Advice from a Divorced Man After 16 Years of Marriage.

Some of my favorite pieces of advice that he gives are that “It’s not your job to change or fix her” and to “Fill her soul every day” while topping it all off with the ultimate challenge: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER.

And although he’s addressed it to husbands, there were parts where he was talking directly to me. As if he were all up in my business, tapping my phones, spying on my thoughts. Sigh. I hear ya…

All of that to say, heck yeah I’d take marriage advice from a divorcé – or at least this one anyway. So go ahead and see why; click here to read the rest.

Image from the Original Post – go on over there!

I read Elisabeth Elliot’s Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Live Under Christ’s Control a few weeks ago. It was right on time. Although it started out rather slow, the middle and end of the book were meaty with revelations about what it means to live for God as a single who thinks they’ve been called for marriage. (But it’s ironic that Elisabeth Elliot just knew she was called to be a missionary – which at that time meant a life of singleness.) Many people often get confused with the title of this book and assume she’s talking about a sexual passion. But that’s all wrong. It’s definitely the passion that you have for Christ. One of my (many) favorite* passages from her story:

A settled commitment to the Lord Christ and a longed-for commitment to Jim Elliot [her suitor] seemed to be in conflict. Discipleship usually brings us into the necessity of choice between duty and desire. They are not always mutually exclusive, however.

And the fact that they are not always mutually exclusive is truly a gift from God. It may be a struggle but struggles for Christ’s sake are never in vain. And I’m glad about it.

The concept of story has been showing its face lately. And how people share their stories as a way to be a blessing to other people. Elisabeth Elliot probably had no idea that God was going to use her story in such tremendous ways and help so many single people begin to bring their love lives under the control of Christ. Trey Erwin, the young boy who recently passed from pancreatic cancer probably had no idea how many lives he would touch just by sharing his story and his faith. Dr. Parker (and his wife) share intimate details of their marriage, Priscilla Shirer, lets us into her life, and so many more people really just bare their souls just so that they can win others to a life of discipleship. A really good friend from college shared her testimony to a group of young adults (and to me) and I was practically in tears realizing how much God had his hand on her life. It’s inspiring. And it makes me realize I shouldn’t be ashamed of some of the secrets I have in my past. Because they’re in my past and I’ve overcome them and been washed by His blood and forgiven. And the story that I have is one that can help others. God is so very good and I desire nothing more than to let Him use me and my life for his purpose.

(On another note, I like how God speaks to me about certain things. I never noticed it before but I think I’m beginning to be able to discern the voice of God clearly. First, I was constantly surrounded by commentary on the concept of fear – and eliminating it. Then there was this concept of purpose. And now it’s just letting God use me and telling my story. I love that guy!)

*My favorite passages are usually the ones that ring true to me at any given point in my life, that convict me and make me raise my hand to God while I’m reading on the metro or let out a soft “my God” – not necessarily the ones that are the most beautifully written or that speak to hope. Yes the truth does hurt but it also sets you free – word to John 8:32.